Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Bummed out Dude!

I wrote a post with this title earlier today and then I read this from Fr. Stephanos at Prince of Peace Abbey.

Christ ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand
of the Father.He wants us to be with him in glory.That wish fills his prayer in
[the Gospel of John] . . .

This puts what I was trying to say in clearer perspective.

I have struggled over the last two weeks, since the trip to Florida, trying to get my prayer and reading schedule back on track. It’s been shot to pieces, only beginning with some partial recovery on this past Sunday. My reaction has been a typical one for me, frustration and the strong temptation to chuck it all and give up entirely.

I realized on Sunday that that’s wrong. In light of what Fr. Stephanos wrote in his homily, I understand now that what I should be doing is persevering. I should accept that what I am trying for is not some measure of “success” at prayer and lectio, it is faithfulness. There is a goal I deeply want to reach, and I can’t achieve it by giving up on the things most necessary to reach it. I must do what is necessary. I have to keep in mind, “every moment” as St. Benedict says, that I have a destiny that is more than anything I can imagine. It’s really a relationship, and relationships aren’t built by estrangement. Rather, it’s trust and communication and sharing that is at the heart of the matter. My Lord knocks at the door every moment of every day; it’s my job to open it.

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