A False Impression

I may have given a false impression with a post I did recently. I am still heading in the direction of formally becoming an oblate at Prince of Peace Abbey, a Benedictine monastery that I think will become my spiritual home. I am not considering the Lay Cistercians.

I do enjoy reading many of the early Cistercian texts, but there has been one test that I have always kept in mind in trying to differentiate between the various types of monastic spirituality. It is, if I had had a vocation to enter a monastery, what kind of monastery would it be? The answer, for many reasons, always comes down on the Benedictine side. This was confirmed after our retreat in June of this year to Prince of Peace Abbey.

So, if they'll have me, I hope to become an oblate there.

From a Letter to the monk Adam

by St. Bernard of Clairvaux

To make this principle clear, we must note that some actions are wholly good; others wholly evil: and in these no obedience is to be rendered to men. For the former are not to be omitted by us, even if they are prohibited [by men]: nor the latter done, even though they are commanded. But, besides these, there are actions between the two, and which may be good or evil according to circumstances of place, time, manner, or person, and in these obedience has its place, as it was in the matter of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which was in the midst of Paradise. When. these are in question, it is not right to prefer our own judgment to that of our superiors, so as to take no heed of what they order or forbid.

Longing to see God

A Meditation by William of St. Thierry

“MY HEART HAS TALKED of you my face has sought you. Your face, Lord, will I seek. Do not turn away your face from me; do not shun your servant in wrath."

It seems surpassing boldness and effrontery to make comparison between my face and yours, Lord God! For you see and judge the hearts of all men and, if you enter into judgment with your servant, the face of my iniquity can only flee before that of your righteousness.

But if, in order to excuse and help my poverty, you should grant me burning love and humility, then let them flee who hate I, for my part, should not flee your face.
For love is very daring, and humility fosters confidence. I am not conscious of these virtues in myself, yet I a vow myself your friend. For, if you ask me: “Do you love me" as you asked Peter, I shall say plainly, I shall tell you boldly:" Lord, you know all things, you know I want to love you. And that is as much as to say: "If you ask me the same thing a thousand times, I shall as often make the same reply: You know I want to love you" And that means that my heart desires nothing so much as it desires to love you."

Miscellaneous Ramblings on the First of September

I’ll offer a bit of self-congratulations regarding the general silence both here and over at my photo blog, Colorado Shots. I’ll try to pass off to you that I’ve been very Benedictine in spirit and, having nothing to say, have kept silent. I won’t say anything that might lead you to believe I’ve just been lazy or anything like that, oh no. But, since I can’t seem to maintain enough decent concentration to do a single, focused post, I’ll hit on a few topics of recent interest.

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I have had a spot of ill health that has set me back a little. About a month ago, I went to the dermatologist with a spot behind my ear that was somewhat open, bleeding, and a bit painful. He did a biopsy and it was a basil cell carcinoma and had to come off. This was done last Friday under what is called Moh’s surgery where they take one layer at a time until the cancerous growth is removed. It took two rounds and some 18 or so stitches to close it up. It knocked me for a loop for a few days, but I’m getting back to normal. My right ear is now pinned back ever so slightly; I think it an overall improvement.

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I’ve been doing a good bit of reading on monastic spirituality recently and it suddenly came to me that such reading has been focused on Cistercian and Trappist writers. I’ve read a book by the late Abbot Francis Kline, one by Abbot Andre Louf. I am also a big fan of Fr. Michael Casey, an Australian Trappist and am about to begin reading William of St. Thierry’s Golden Epistle, a book I’ve dabbled in recently. I’m beginning to wonder if I am, indeed, called to become a Lay Cistercian, it’s too big a coincidence. I’ll offer a little background on why I am wondering about this.

I was born a Presbyterian and for 5 to 10 years prior to my coming into the Church, I was quite active in First Presbyterian Church in El Paso. I was ordained a deacon and, during the last year of my term, became Moderator of the Board of Deacons. One of my duties was to present a 15-20 minute meditation on some spiritual topic. After my term was over, I one day went back to those meditations and, to my very great surprise, I had chosen passages almost exclusively from Catholic authors as the theme of each one of them. It was a bit of a shock, but it got me thinking. Hmmm.

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There was a story in the paper this morning about the death in a car accident of a high school hockey player from one of the local high schools. He had graduated in 2008. There was prominent mention that grief counselors had been made available to both staff and faculty at the high school. It didn’t say anything about priests or ministers which might have been the preferred route back in my high school days, if the high schools did anything like that at all. They didn’t. I think the reason is, they probably assumed most staff and faculty had regular contact with either a priest or minister and didn’t have much need for a psychologist. It’s just another example of how things have changed.

Purity of Heart

EVERYTHING should be done and sought after by us for the sake of this [purity of heart]. For this we must seek for solitude, for this we know that we ought to submit to fastings, vigils, toils, bodily nakedness, reading, and all other virtues that through them we may be enabled to prepare our heart and to keep it unharmed by all evil passions, and resting on these steps to mount to the perfection of charity, and with regard to these observances, if by accident we have been employed in some good and useful occupation and have been unable to carry out our customary discipline, we should not be overcome by vexation or anger, or passion, with the object of overcoming which, we were going to do that which we have omitted. For the gain from fasting will not balance the loss from anger, nor is the profit from reading so great as the harm which results from despising a brother. Those things which are of secondary importance, such as fastings, vigils, withdrawal from the world, meditation on Scripture, we ought to practise with a view to our main object, i.e., purity of heart, which is charity, and we ought not on their account to drive away this main virtue, for as long as it is still found in us intact and unharmed, we shall not be hurt if any of the things which are of secondary importance are necessarily omitted; since it will not be of the slightest use to have done everything, if this main reason of which we have spoken be removed, for the sake of which everything is to be done. For on this account one is anxious to secure and provide for one's self the implements for any branch of work, not simply to possess them to no purpose, nor as if one made the profit and advantage, which is looked for from them, to consist in the bare fact of possession but that by using them, one may effectually secure practical knowledge and the end of that particular art of which they are auxiliaries. Therefore fastings, vigils, meditation on the Scriptures, self-denial, and the abnegation of all possessions are not perfection, but aids to perfection: because the end of that science does not lie in these, but by means of these we arrive at the end. He then will practise these exercises to no purpose, who is contented with these as if they were the highest good, and has fixed the purpose of his heart simply on them, and does not extend his efforts towards reaching the end, on account of which these should be sought: for he possesses indeed the implements of his art, but is ignorant of the end, in which all that is valuable resides. Whatever then can disturb that purity and peace of mind--even though it may seem useful and valuable--should be shunned as really hurtful, for by this rule we shall succeed in escaping harm from mistakes and vagaries, and make straight for the desired end and reach it.

John Cassian, Conferences, Chapter 7

Some Monastic Wisdom on Lectio

At fixed hours time should be given to certain definite reading.  Haphazard reading, constantly varied and lighted on by chance does not edify but makes the mind unstable.  Taken into the memory lightly, it leaves it even more lightly.  You should concentrate on certain authors and let your mind grow used to them . . .

Some part of your daily reading should be committed to memory every day, taken as it were into the stomach, to be more carefully digested and brought up again for frequent rumination – something in keeping with your vocation and helpful to concentration, something that will take hold of the mind and save it from distraction.

The reading should also stir you affections and give rise to prayer, which should interrupt you reading – an interruption which should not so much impede the reading as to restore to it a mind ever more purified for understanding.

For reading serves the purpose of the intention with which it is done.  If a reader truly seeks God in the reading, everything he reads tends to promote that end, making the mind surrender in the course of the reading and bringing all that is understood into Christ’s service.

William of St. Thierry

The Golden Epistle 1.120-124

What’s You’re Heart Rate?

I’ve taken, inadvertently, an extended holiday from posting here and on my photo blog, Colorado Shots mostly due to lack of time.  I’ve been hooked up to a heart rate monitor.  No, not the medical kind, the exercise kind. 

It’s been pretty obvious to me that over the last year or two I’ve let myself get severely out of shape.  I put on weight, had no energy and survived on a poor diet.  On top of that, the shoulder that I dislocated and fractured a couple of years ago was becoming increasingly immobile.  The kicker was, on the John Fielder workshop, I was having trouble carrying the camera gear and getting to a couple of the locations where we were taking pictures.  I decided, enough was enough.  I knew that I had to try to turn this around.  So, I engaged a personal trainer, dusted off the old mountain bike, and started eating better and getting more exercise, a lot more. 

 The only problem is this regimen takes a lot of time.  If I’m not doing strength training, aerobics, or stretches, I have to make time for work and sleep.  Blogging, or even much reading, has gone by the board.  The time crunch, though, surfaced another issue for me to deal with, a real time consumer.  Simply put, too much time spent watching stupid television shows and surfing the Internet.  All that has to stop.  So, I view that as a positive too.

 Anyway, this is just an update.  I hope to get back to regular posting over the next week or so.  In the meantime, what have you gotten your heart rate up to lately?